I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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