You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Randomize
