I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
