are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Randomize
