He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
