So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
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