I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
