put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
