butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
