all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
