it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
