I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
