The maid of honor just puked.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
only you would photoshop your dick
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
