he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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