A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
