I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
