you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
