Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
