Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I know her cup size but not her name....
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