Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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