i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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