Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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