in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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