So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
