I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No subtext here. People are naked.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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