Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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