I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
