suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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