people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
