hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
