Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
