Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
