I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
