it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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