Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize