so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
