woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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