She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
