I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
