He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
