if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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