yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
