Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
