I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
