I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
