How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My balls are so social today.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
