Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
