Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
