So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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