M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Small penises have feelings too.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
