I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize