I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
