her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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