the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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