I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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