Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
