I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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