Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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