You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
