I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
