ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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