We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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