I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
