the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
