My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
