She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
