What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
