I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
