Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
