Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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