So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
tell me about the fingering
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
