I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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