I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
