Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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