I'm drive I can fine osifer
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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