you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
