Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
