how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
