No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
