I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
